Every now and then I find myself going through old poems I wrote, or old essays for school, and I realize that is something that is just awful about being a writer. For every moment of genius there is a moment of embarrassment, and they are all recorded for posterity.
I found one non-fiction essay that I wrote back in sophomore year of college (2005, yikes) and was thoroughly mortified that I ever read it out loud to an entire classroom full of my peers. Or to anyone. Ever. Mor.ti.fied.
Reading through it I just realized how I pretty much sounded… like a douche, for lack of a better word. I wanted to burn it, and erase the memory of it from the brains of everyone who was in that classroom.
But that is the risk we take, as writers. I know there is a definite quote about it somewhere, but many have talked about it, and written about it… the fact that we are at our most basic level a bunch of self-centered people who believe that what we have to say is important. So we write it down. Some of it ends up being quite important, or moving, or at least entertaining. Some of it ends up making us look like douches.
And yet, we write. 🙂